opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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