I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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