the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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