I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
