Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
