So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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