woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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