Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i love accidental penises.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
