I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
