I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
