So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
