I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
