it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
