Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
