FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
