She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
