take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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