Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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