Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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