Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
