i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
