Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
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I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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