i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
