Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
