When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
