I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
