This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
