I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
