Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
