At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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