Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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