throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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