yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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