My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
