By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
