Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I FOUND THE LEGS
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
