my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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