The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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