I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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