I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
