i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
