She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
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Everything about him screamed your future.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
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Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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