i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
