he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
