You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
