I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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