You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
