Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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