God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
