Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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