the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize