Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
