I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
