Apparently you make a good broom.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
