Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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