I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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