Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
