I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
