I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
