Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm passing your future prison.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
