I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
