i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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