I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
