Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
